So, as Love Week started yesterday, I was almost surprised at how overwhelmingly positive my mood has been. Even though the passing of these men took place 6 and 8 years ago, it has been a very long road to recovery and healing the heartbreak and trauma I experienced. Inevitably, every year I was either struck by the painful reminders of the deaths, or because I was struggling in the present with various aspects of my life, the dates only served to remind me of the loss I had experienced and what life was like before. But I've realized in the last couple days, that I actually feel more at ease with the pain of these losses. Do not mistake me, for I will never forget them, and they changed my life in ways I will probably never fully know, but they aren't still affecting my life in the same painful way they used to; I'm actually feeling like I have survived this storm and I feel remarkably, uniquely, happy.
Time has a way of playing funny tricks on our lives. Sometimes a year can pass and it will seem like it was just yesterday, or something that is only a week a way feels like an eternity; the thing about time though, is that it is all really just based on our personal perceptions. I woke up today, smiling, happy, and even giggling a bit, and it is because of some of the wonderful people I have in my life now, but not every morning is like that... just over a month ago, I struggled in the mornings because my reality would hit me every time I woke up, which is not an entirely unfamiliar feeling to me either; six and eight years ago, I experienced similar (though far more intense) feelings of heartbreak and loss, every morning, every night, and most of the day in between.
"How long you're down depends on how you rise, life has a meaning, so open your eyes." - Freedom (part 2) by The Beautiful Girls ft. Mason Jennings
These quotes have been particularly inspiring to me lately... It's been a while since I've written or shared anything, retreating into a virtual silence while I've delved into the depths and darkness of my own reality. Forced into facing some of my deepest fears, such as heartbreak, confusion, and basic needs of survival, in one afternoon, all my plans went into flames, like the fire implied before the Phoenix could rise from the ashes. Through the difficult times, I've been continuously learning and growing, boosted by the love, support, and inspiration of some of the wonderful healers around me, while simultaneously receiving words of encouragement from those who have expressed the ways in which I've helped them both knowingly and unknowingly. Ultimately, when people ask why I have my website, and why I write, the biggest reason is that I hope somewhere, somehow, I've been able to inspire and encourage someone else out there, whether it's through sharing my struggles, bringing laughter to someone's day, or reminding someone that they are not alone, and there is a way. Now as the dust settles like ashes from the fire, I find myself regaining my strength, recommitting to my path, tuning into my light, and getting ready to share more of my stories and writing. With each day, I'm more excited for the possibilities that my future holds And soon, I will rise, like a Phoenix from the ashes...
Hanging out around Tahoe for the week, I've officially returned from the summer expedition I had planned and set out for months ago. As my trip began to draw to a close, I began reflecting on all that has happened over the summer, the events that led me to where I am now, the transformations that have taken place, and the people who have blessed me with their presence in my life. I began reaching out to some of the key players to share my gratitude for their involvement, and as our connections continue to develop, I cannot express how grateful I am for everyone who has been so influential to me.
I've been reading the book Dancing the Dream by Jamie Sams, but because of how it's structured and my intuitive need to read certain things at certain times, I have been reading it entirely out of order. Miraculously, the information I need has presented itself at exactly the right moments and this chapter proved that to be true again.
Each chapter begins with a quote and a poem, and the ones I opened up to after writing my "Age-Old Question" blog, was like a little booster shot of inspiration, the words of the author clearly working in harmony with the universe. Here they are for you to contemplate, and perhaps, hopefully, find your own value and inspiration...
I've been spending the last couple weeks wandering around areas of the Pacific Northwest, and have been finding myself continuously exclaiming "WoW!" Sometimes it happens so many times in one day, that I can't help but to laugh at myself when I catch my awareness of how often I'm proclaiming it; yet, I will turn a corner and immediately find myself affirming the same three letters that can barely capture the entirety of how awestruck I am at something I am experiencing visually, emotionally, or spiritually. Traveling helps revitalize your senses, keeping them in an almost constant state of encountering new sights, tastes, sounds, smells, textures, and feelings.
I haven't always been a huge fan of the Fourth of July, it's been a hit-or-miss kind of holiday in the past, but this year, I am bouncy with excitement. One of the joys of being in the northern, moister areas is that fireworks are legal (or at least, less regulated), so you can be sure that I will be having some fiery, sparkly fun. Lights and colors exploding against the backdrop of a dark sky is one of those experiences that never ceases to excite me; admittedly, I get about as giddy and happy as a little kid, every time. I'm sure that this year's celebrations and pyrotechnic displays promise to behold another phenomenal adventure.
So celebrating the 4th of not, I'm wishing all of you the happiest of holidays (or just any day for that matter); may your soul be lighthearted, your jubilees jovial, your revelries magical, and your fireworks filled with delight.
I love firsts! There is something so uniquely thrilling about firsts... From first kisses to your first car, your first road trip to the first time you swim in the ocean, your first day trying a new sport or your child's first steps. With the firsts of starting something new or experiencing something for the first time, there's a special sort of excitement and adrenaline that accompanies it.
We may not always have huge new firsts, but there are always first days of a new adventure, a new month, or a new day. Every time I depart from one place to set out to the next destination, or leg of my trip, I get wildly giddy and excited.
So, as I depart Bellingham, WA, on this idyllic first day of July, I just want to wish everyone a happy month and a happy Canada day :)
Have a good one, eh?
As this lovely Wednesday is winding down, I've noticed I've had halfway points on the mind... I'm in the midst of organizing and cataloguing hundreds of vinyl records, and moving past the halfway point today has been a delightful shift. I'm a fan of organizing tasks, but even I found 500+ records to be daunting, and around 150/175, it seemed like this project might never end. Today, as I made it noticeably past 300, it's taken on a whole new feeling; it seems to be sailing by now, and I'm sure the last half will go more quickly than the first, in part because I've found my groove (pun intended), but also because it is far more encouraging to look at these stacks of boxes and know that I've finished 7 of the boxes and only have about 3 left (as opposed to only having finished 3 boxes, with 7 left). This isn't the only halfway point I'm cognizant of in my life right now, but as the general concept and energy of the mid-way point is consistent across the board, I think you get the idea.
So whether Wednesday is your midpoint for a traditional workweek, or you're looking forward to a vacation or seeing someone, or working on finishing a project, or whatever it is you're anticipating or working through, hopefully this picture can serve as a little reminder to appreciate both where you are and where you're going.
Happy Hump Day!
Since I've reached my new location in Bellingham, WA, my dream life has spiked, resulting in very intense and loaded dreams. After having dreams last night that were heavily focused on gender issues/roles, I happened upon this article about modern "Hazards of Manhood," in an older issue of Yes! Magazine. I am a big fan of men in general, and over the years have often contemplated what is happening to societal gender issues in relation to men; women are not the only ones undergoing major changes in our roles, expectations, and changing definitions of gender. I've spoken with men who subscribe to this system, men who are gaining consciousness and awareness of it, and men who are flat-out fighting against it, so wherever you may fall on the spectrum (man or woman), I thought this article might be one worth sharing; even if only to make you think a little bit...
After unexpectedly extending my stay in Eugene, OR because I was loving the town and experiences I was having, I finally managed to pull myself away and start driving north to Olympia, WA. As my time to leave approached and my next adventure began, I happened upon several different quotes and new connections, all in the same day, and all with something similar to say...
First, I was browsing through some books at the place I had been, and saw Tom Robbins' book "Villa Incognito." I am a huge fan of Tom Robbins and have previously read this book so I decided to flip to two random pages, and this is what I found --
"Just because you're naked
Doesn't mean you're sexy.
Just because you're cynical
Doesn't mean you're cool.
You may tell the greatest lies
And wear a brilliant disguise
But you can't escape the eyes
Of the one who sees right through you.
In the end what will prevail